How many of those who listened to this hadeeth were transformed by it? Yet if we actually practice just those three guidelines, so much would be enhanced or healed in our daily lives. Imagine a man who attended the halaqa arriving home from work one hour late the next day. This resulted in the dinner his wife had lovingly cooked being dry, burnt, and almost inedible. If he had truly taken to heart the guidelines from the hadeeth, he would take pause when his wife expressed her frustration that he did not call to tell her he would be late for dinner. Instead of reacting defensively and offering excuses…
…he would practice silence long enough to reflect upon the validity of her complaint (“that my silence shall be contemplation”.)
…he would remember the prophetic wisdom that we should only speak virtue or keep silent. So he would tell her he was sorry and that he should have called. (“that my speaking shall be remembrance.”)
…and then he would see how her attitude and demeanor soften. His simple validation of her feeling disappointed and hurt changed their dynamic completely on the spot, and strengthened their relationship. They both felt that they had learned greater appreciation of the other (“that my seeing shall be lessons.”)
This simple story illustrates the kind of dynamic that eliminates walls of defensiveness and nurtures the welcoming of feedback with open arms. This kind of dynamic is possible when I begin to connect the knowledge I acquire to my self, my life, my behavior, and my relationships. That’s the beginning of wisdom. — LivingEman staff